Cover Your Eyes!

I recently saw another movie that has found its way onto my list of the worst movies I have seen, so I thought making a list of my 5 worsts might be fun. Remember that I don't watch R-rated films, so I am sure that there are worse ones out there. Also, I rank these according to MY enjoyment of them (we all have different opinions).
Here goes:

#1 Titanic.

Yes I know this was a beloved of the Oscars committee, DiCaprio-smitten young women, and ... well, those two groups pretty much made up the fan base. The only part of the movie I enjoyed was watching DiCaprio finally freeze to death and sink into the ocean. One long, boring movie.

It has the distinction of being the worst movie I have ever seen. Enough said.

#2 Catch and Release.

I cannot emphasize enough that NO ONE should ever watch this movie. A girl asked me out on a date to see this, and it was the most uncomfortable experience I have ever had. The girl was nice and all, but the movie begins with the "hero" having inappropriate relations with a caterer in the bathroom at a funeral while the betrothed of the dearly departed (the heroine) is hiding in the tub behind the shower curtain.
Following that opening, the movie just goes downhill. I was so shocked at how bad it was that when we walked out of the movie, it took me about five minutes to think of anything to say. I thought it should have been rated R, and I wish I had never seen it.

#3 Elizabeth: the Golden Age.

Another award-winning film (who gives out these awards????).
I am a history buff, but I have no idea what was going on in this movie. Sure the events surrounding the Spanish Armada's attempt to invade England is an interesting story, and I am familiar with the historical narrative, but this movie was filmed in such a way as to make the tale unintelligible. Very disappointing. I expected more out of you, Cate Blanchett.

#4 Return to Me

I have seen this about 3 times because girls seem to love it. A guy's dead wife's heart is transplanted into some other woman who he then falls in love with. She keeps the fact of her transplanted heart a secret - thus, drama. Totally predictable girl movie. Totally painful guy experience.


#5 Star Wars I: the Phantom Menace

I am a huge, huge fan of almost anything with "Star" in the title. I love Star Trek and Star Wars and Stargate. But what George Lucas did with his new trilogy is almost unforgivable. Between Jar Jar Binks and that kid that played Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen in the other two is also terrible), I feel tangible pain every time I watch this movie.
George Lucas, your fans deserved better - I waited for hours outside a movie theater on a cold Idaho night to see this at midnight. I can still taste the disappointment.
That said, I do own the movie and watch it from time to time.

So how about you all? Worst movies?