Haw Por Villa

For those of you who love strange and creepy statues, Haw Por Villa is the perfect place.

It was originally developed as a theme park by the two brothers (Haw & Por) who developed the "Tiger Balm" company. They were ethnic Chinese from Burma, but they moved to Singapore in the 1930s. Here they built a park of statues to help teach Chinese values, and the statues depict various images from Chinese stories.

Nowadays the park is run by the Singapore government and is free to walk through. I found it great fun, but others might not enjoy it as much. I would have loved to spend another hour or so walking through and taking pictures, but alas, one doesn't always get what one wants. Another day, perhaps.

Enjoy the pictures, and my witty captions. Or less-than-witty captions. You can probably just skip the captions.

And a warning, there are some graphic depictions. Those of you with weak constitutions for statue violence might want to skip this one.

Nothing says "welcome" like an old man with pointy fingernails yelling at you. Also his beard really did flutter in the breeze.

Creepy sheepy.

I'm a gonna hi-five a dragon!

And who can forget the fabled Guinea Pig - White Rabbit Battle of '63?

"What's he gonna do, nibble me bum?"

"Death awaits you with nasty gnashing teeth!"

"My hands! My hands! Oh the humanity!"

"I feel so cold, Winston. So very cold."

So moving on from the Conquest of the Rodents, we step into the 10 levels of Hell. I know that's a surprise for those of you who thought we were already there.

To save you a bunch of gory statues and descriptions, let's just say that pretty much anything you do to insult your parents is going to get you a relatively nasty punishment. Other sins include rape, cheating on exams, prostitution, urging people into civil unrest, business fraud, and disobeying one's siblings. Punishments range from being thrown into a cauldron of boiling oil to being sawed in half to being impaled on stakes.

This unfortunate fellow was disrespectful to his elders. Yep, that's worthy of a heart-removal.

Well, enough of that.

So giving pistols to rats is a bad idea.

A rifle-toting elephant, though, is something everyone can support.

Fist-bump, Panda-bro!

"Watch out, sumo! Loose seal!"

Oh, yeah, Lady Liberty. Way to represent!

"Don't taze me, bro!"

I, for one, welcome our new monkey overlords.

And finally, a tale of misfortune and heroism. In the Chinese novel "Into the West," a young monk named Xuanzang takes a journey, you guessed it, into the west. Go figure.

Along the way, he picks up some friends. A monkey king (see above), a pig-headed man named Pigsy, and a third dude. Everyone forgets the third dude. He's not really important. You can look up the story for details. One particular representation of the story caught my eye. In it, some spider spirits were trying to capture Xuanzang, so they disguised themselves as beautiful women.

Pretty soon they'd seduced Xuanzang. Pigsy ran in to save him, but was quickly defeated by his own lustful desires. These ladies were very good at what they do. To summarize, it looked bleak for our heroes.

Then the monkey king appeared and through his mortal fortitude and ability to overcome his lustful desires saved the day! Hooray for the monkey king!

As I read the story, I was reminded of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, in which young Sir Galahad is lured into Castle Anthrax by some young seductive women looking for a good spanking. Fortunately Sir Lancelot rushes to his rescue. This dialogue follows:

Lancelot: We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril.
Galahad: I don't think I was.
Lancelot: Yes, you were. You were in terrible peril.
Galahad: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril.
Lancelot: No, it's too perilous.
Galahad: Look, it's my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can.
Lancelot: No, we've got to find the Holy Grail. Come on.
Galahad: Oh, let me have just a little peril?
Lancelot: No. It's unhealthy.
Galahad: Bet you're gay.
Lancelot: Am not!

I have way too much fun at places with creepy statues. I feel pretty confident that I'm a blast to be around, though.