Magic Meds

This is a letter to my magic throat lozenge. Dear Lozenge,

Yesterday morning, my throat began to feel scratchy. At the time, I didn't think anything of it. You know, it was just a minor irritation brought on by the changing weather.

But then it got worse. When I was listening to a boring presentation, I didn't pay attention at all. Instead I kept thinking about my throat, and how scratchy it was. This led to some inane questions I blurted out during Q&A. I promise you lozenge, I am not stupid; it was my throat's fault!

I drank some water. That made it better. It was a temporary fix, though.

As night came, and I had to brave the elements to attend trivia, it got worse. The moderator asked, "Which religious group petitioned the United States to accept the state of Deseret?" I KNEW THE ANSWER! But I was only mildly interested. When he queried, "What is the only country bordering both the Black and the White Sea?" I answered, but I no longer cared. Finally when he said, "What company used the slogan 'gather round the good stuff'?" I almost couldn't stand it.

And so I came for you. Of course it was difficult to find you. I have recently switched Krogers, so I didn't know where over-the-counter medications might be. But I did find your kind. Then I had an agonizing decision over the familiar Sucrets or the less-expensive Cepacol. Eventually you lured me in with your bright yellow Kroger savings label.

Then you worked your honey-lemon magic on me. Little did I expect that the 15 milligrams of Benzocaine in each brightly colored lozenge would be so strong. Combined with the 2.6 milligrams of menthol, the experience can only be described of as scrumtrulescent.

Not only was my throat soothed, but my tongue and cheeks lost feeling, too. You are so effective!

Thank you for letting me sleep with throat-soothed peace.
I think I might love you, lozenge,

- Me